Sabtu, 31 Januari 2009

Life is that short, really

Rest in Peace; Harry, Arga, Gompal (SMAI Alazhar 4 Kemang Pratama '10).
may Allah gives the best restful place for them, Amin.

today I learned something very important,
something that we all should understand for the good of our life.


sejujurnya gue gak kenal sama mererka bertiga yang gue sebut di atas.
tapi mendengar ceritanya dari orang yang lumayan deket sama mereka, jujur gue tersentuh banget.

hari ini pukul 2 pagi, 6 orang siswa SMA Alkemprat mengalami kecelakaan yang cukup..hmm sadis. Yang gue denger mobil mereka (Yaris) kelindes Container. Yes, life is that tragic. 3 orang meninggal dunia pagi tadi, siangnya satu orang meninggal juga, tapi gue ga yakin namanya, takut salah sebut ah kalo gue tulis. sampe skrg gue ngetik post ini, 2 orang masih sekarat, kalo gak salah namanya Jafar dan Vavan, mohon doanya juga ya buat mereka.

emang, gue ga kenal sama mereka. denger namanya juga baru barusan. tapi entah kenapa, gue peduli. sangat peduli. gue ikutan shock, ikutan sedih, ikutan pengen nangis. iya ga ada hubungannya emang sama gue, tapi entah kenapa, sekali lagi, gue peduli.

pernah ga sih lo ngebayangin? temen-temen yang deket sama lo skrg ini, yang lagi sering lo ajak bercanda, yang duduk bareng lo di kelas, yang sering lo ajak curhat, yang sering ngobrol di msn/facebook, bahkan mungkin pacar lo, atau dimanapunlah, tiba-tiba aja mereka pergi ninggalin lo. bukan liburan, bukan karna mereka berkhianat, bukan sekolah ke luar negeri, tapi karena mereka udah harus pergi menghadap Sang Pencipta.

gue bener2 ga bisa ngebayangin gimana rapuhnya seorang ibu yang tau anak yang dia susah-susah kandung 9 bulan harus pergi mendahului dia, gimana hancurnya hati seorang ayah yang tau anak yang dia ajarin berbagai macam hal selama ini tiba-tiba pergi ninggalin dia selamanya. bener-bener sedih, bikin hati.......sesek.

hidup bener-bener ga ada yang bisa nebak.

gue bener-bener ga tau ya gimana rasanya kalo tiba-tiba ada temen sekelas gue yg kayak gitu, biarpun gue ga terlalu deket sama mereka, tetep, gue sayang sama temen-temen gue. gue adalah sekertaris kelas yang dapet tugas nyatet absen anak2, bener gatau harus berbuat apa kalo besok senin gue masuk dan mau nyatet absen trs tiba-tiba gue gatau harus nulis apa di nama mereka. mereka bukan ga masuk karena sakit, bukan izin, bukan alfa juga. harus gue apain? seketika tadi gue ngerenung, bener-bener ngerenung, dan gue bersyukur. betapa gue masih memiliki temen-temen gue disamping gue, dan gue masih bisa bercanda bareng mereka.

selama ini gue sering banget ngeremehin arti temen yg ga deket, temen yg biasa.
tapi mulai hari ini, gue belajar hal yang lain. mau sejauh apa hubungan gue sama dia, dia tetep temen gue. someday gue pasti akan sedih kalo kehilangan dia. someday, gue akan menangis untuk dia, dan gue sadar, biarpun gue orangnya suka ga peka, gue emang sayang sama temen-temen gue. biarpun gue sering nganggep enteng temen2 gue yang bukan temen deket, tapi mereka juga TERNYATA berarti buat gue. apalagi skrg gue udah di semester terakhir, bentar lagi bakal pisah-pisah. awalnya gue mikir pasti gue bakal kangen deh sama temen-temen deket gue. bakal susah pergi brg lagi, canda-canda kayak gini lagi. tapi skrg, gue yakin, gue bakal kangen sama temen gue yang even gue cuman kenal gitu doang. gue sayang sama mereka, mereka udah turut andil meramaikan hidup gue.

maka marilah temen-temen, sayangi orang sekitar kita. hidup ini tuh bener-bener singkat dan ga ada yang tau gimana berakhirnya.

sesulit apapun hubungan kita sama dia, either kita punya masalah yg blm selese dulu, ataupun sibuknya rutinitas sehari-hari kita, mari deh kita sempetin ucapin kata hai sekali aja. seenggaknya tali silaturahmi kita ga terputus. iya emang sih kadang gengsi itu gede banget, gue juga gitu kok, tapi apa salahnya nyoba? siapa tau dia juga ternyata nungguin kita nyapa duluan, ya ga?


we never know how they're mean so much to us until they're already gone, it's true.


temen-temen gue semuanya deh, gue mau bilang terimakasih karena sudah turut andil meramaikan hidup gue. terimakasih buat temen-temen deket gue semuanyaaaa pokoknya gue sayang banget sama kalian. sama temen gue yang lain juga, gue bener-bener ngerti skrg, kalian juga berarti buat gue, sekecil apapun peran kalian di hidup gue. Maaf untuk semua temen gue yang pernah gue sakiti perasaannya, baik sengaja atau gak, baik sadar atau gak.



pelajaran hari ini,
selain mengenai hidup yang pendek dan persahabatan ini,
gue juga belajar tentang pentingnya hati-hati selama di jalan.
kalo bisa mau pergi kemana-mana tuh ngomong deh sama nyokap-bokap lo.
kalo sampe ada kejadian gini, kan lega.
makanya jangan suka cabut! (ngomong sama diri sendiri nih gue hehe).

buat keluarga yang ditinggalkan, temen-temenya juga, pacarnya juga,
gue mengucapkan belasungkawa yang sedalam-dalamnya.
semoga mereka tenang disisi-Nya, amin ya Allah.

eh maaf ya agak panjang postnya hehe, buat sebulan ke depan gue akan meminimalisir kemungkinan gue ol nih, harus gitu, SIMAK UI sudah di depan, pray for me ya!
btw gue juga akan daftar UTUL UGM, FK sama FTTM kemungkinan. tapi ya gatau lah. mudah2an sih UI udah dapet hehe, amin.

gotta go nawwww, see ya !

Rabu, 28 Januari 2009

untitled

here's the girl, call her M.
and there was this guy,
name : Peter.

He's not that handsome
He's breakable
He couldn't tell you funny jokes
He has a freaky smile
He afraid of many things
He actually not her type

but, she was in love with him.
and she did enjoy his freaky smile, also
she laugh at every little funny thing he did (actually ridiculous thing).

until one day, Peter got married.
He married to a girl named Ashley. Beautiful Ashley.
Ashley was different from M, and it's pretty hurt for her.

she barely got over him, lately.
but she missed a lot of things,
mostly the way Peter smiles to her.
she felt so empty, she's freaking out.

but one friend came and told her to calm down,
"Everything will be just fine,
Life is a long time period,
but when it comes to the end,
you still have another life, waiting, anyway."
she took a deep breath and smile, "Yes, it is"

one night, she sat there alone, writting,
"I guess I'll see you around, Pete.
By the way, next time it won't be like this.
I'll get you in any other way, maybe,
in another life, waiting, okay?"

(January 2009)

Sabtu, 24 Januari 2009

Emotion

Emosi gue akhir2 ini ga stabil, boleh dikatakan gak karuan. Keseringan ya gue ngebahas masalah emosi gue? iya nih abisan gue lagi malem-malem gini juga ga ada kerjaan. daripada bengong, mending cerita.

hari ini....hmmm gue ga sekolah lagi. gue BTA kok tp. entah kenapa, di BTA emang belajar terus gue. tapi belajar malah bikin emosi gue jd lebih stabil. enaaaaak bgt rasanya. mgkn emosi gue labil jg karena gue panik kbykn main kali ya?

bisa jadi iya, bisa jadi enggak.

kemaren gue cerita sama temen gue soal masalah gue yang moody banget belakangan ini. dia ngasih saran, cari pacar ki. hahahaha. gue ketawa aja deh. trs dia nyuruh, gue pulang sekolah naik busway, perhatiin orang2 yang ada di sekitar gue, berfikir, apa yang lagi tuh orang pikirin, masalah dia apa, hidupnya gimana, dll. bener juga, seru. gue sebenernya sering bgt kayak gitu. bedanya ga pake naik busway. sesimpel memandangi orang-orang sekitar gue aja. contohnya kalo lagi macet di jalan, gue sering banget memperhatikan wajah-wajah orang. gue rasain ekspresi dia gimana, ngebayangin dia lagi mikirin apa, masalah dia apa, keluarganya gimana, kerjaan dia apa, dll. abis gitu, ntar gue bakal ngerasa hmmm bersyukur sendiri, jadi lebih kuat.

tadi pagi pas gue berangkat ke BTA, gue ngelakuin hal yg sama. macetnya agak panjang deh td, tp gue ga ngeluh jg. soalnya gue lagi hmmm merenung. kalo lagi labil, paling enak merenung. kalo di rumah gue yang lama, gue punya atap yg bisa dibuat duduk-duduk trs ngerenung sendiri. disini gapunya lagi. kalo lagi marah, kesel, sedih, paling yaaaah larinya ngamuk-ngamuk, nangis, tidur, lupa. gue emang bermasalah banget sama yg namanya mengontrol emosi dan perasaan. makanya gue bener-bener ga bisa deh kalo lagi marah gitu diajak ngomong.

gue kadang mikir, emosi gue ini kenapa ya? apa turunan dr bapak gue yang palembang? atau bukan? banyak yang bilang umur 16-17 itu emosi kita emang lg labil banget. tapi apa iya segini beratnya ngontrol emosi anak remaja?

dan gue juga teringat sama satu kalimat lagi.
Cowok itu kalo menyelesaikan masalah pake logika, kalo cewek lebih pake emosi. hmmm bener ga sih menurut lo? hmmm kalo yang masalah cewek lebih pake emosi, boleh dikatakan bener juga. ya gak sih? gue sih selama ini apa-apa emang cepet banget masuk ke hati daripada ke otak. cepet banget marah, ngambil kesimpulan, logika jarang dipake, ckck. yang kayak gini tuh gaenak deh. bikin makan ati, huh.

by the way, cuacanya akhir-akhir ini membaik. langitnya udah biru dikit-dikit. ini juga bisa mempengaruhi suasana hati gue, langit. kalo abu-abu tuh bikin perasaan jadi hmmm kelam gimana gitu. haha bahasa gue mulai deh ah. kalo langitnya biru kan enak ngeliatnya, seneeeeeeng gimanaaaa gitu. ya gak sih?

ya ampun sudah pagi ya you guys gue ngepost pukul satu dini hari haha. dasar kalong padahal bsk gue mau BTA. well, should go naaaaaaaaaaaaaw! bye : )


xoxo

Kamis, 22 Januari 2009

it's an ordinary life, ordinary




Her name was written on a photograph,
Right next to her red, sunburnt face,
It all had happened in that long tall grass,
About a mile from her old place,
I can't remember how it started
And if it lasted that day in the sun.

We said that we were going to study hard,
We held our books instead of hands,
She held a blanket over cans of beer,
I can't deny I was so full of fear.

It's just another story caught up
In another photograph I found.
And it seems like another person lived that life A great many years ago from now,

When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.
When I look back on my ordinary ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.

And there's the first time that I tried that stuff,
I think I look a little green,
I remember throwing up behind a bush,
And I found it hard to use my feet,
And who's that easily led
Little boy who's really off his head?

It was the same night that I kissed that girl,
The tall one with the auburn hair,
I remember laughing coz to kiss me,
She had to sit down on a chair!
She tasted like the schnapps she'd drunk,
And the cigarette she'd stolen from her mum.

And it's just another story caught up in another photograph I found.

When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.
When I look back on my ordinary ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time.

(Jamie Cullum - Photograph)


Photographed by Wena Anggana
Edited by Me

Biarpun kadang gue suka menyesal, tetep gue akui kalo gue bangga

Gila ya, hari-hari tuh skrg cepeeeeeeeeeet bgt jalannya. gue bener2 ga nyangka, SIMAK UI udah H-30an. bener-bener ga kerasa, really. hati gue makin gak keruan nih bunyinya.

Makin cepet gue ujian, makin cepet gue ninggalin masa SMA gue. they said highschool time is the best time of your life. (barusan ngetik ini aja gue sempet diem sejenak, ngerenung, udah berkaca-kaca). gila ya, gue pasti bakal kangen banget sama masa SMA gue ntar. bener2 ga kerasa, kayaknya baru sebentar gue masuk SMA.

gue inget banget, pertama kali gue masuk SMAN 8 Jakarta, SMA yang jadi banyak idaman anak2 kls 3 SMP. buat gue, seorang yang biasa aja otaknya, apalagi dari SMP bekasi, masuk SMAN 8 tuh udah kayak hmmmm mimpi. waktu tau gue keterima, gue ngerasa seneng banget, dan bangga banget. Nyokap gue pgn bgt gue di 8 soalnya. gue yakin, banyak banget orang tua lain yg bangga bgt anaknya masuk 8. buktinya pas hr pertama MOS aja tuh orang tua pada nungguin anak2nya udah kayak anak SD gitu. muka-ukanya juga sumringah banget. kalo inget pas dulu itu ya, rasanya bener2 kayak baru beberapa bulan yang lalu doang.



minggu pertama di 8, masih bangga. kalo ditanya orang 'masuk mana ki skrg?', gue jawabnya dengan bangga 'di 8 hehe'. rasanya seneng banget bisa gabung sama anak2 8, bisa jadi anak SMA juga. sebulan kemudian, baru kerasa. baruuuuuuuuuuuuu kerasa gimana susahnya jadi anak 8. ternyata ya, gabisa santai, belajar harus divorsir. udah gitu jauh dr rumah kan tuh 8. gue ngerasa capeeeeeeeeeeeeek banget, sedih juga. sedih soalnya gue ngerasa nyesel. jadi kan sebenernya gue udah keterima di Insan Cendikia Serpong, udah bayar segala macem, tp akhirnya gue lepas karna gue masuk 8. IC tuh boarding school gitu, sekolahnya sama asrama deket banget. jadi gak capek dijalan. gue nyeseeeeeeeeel banget kenapa gue ga masuk situ aja biar gue gak capek kayak gini.

satu semester lewat, gue mulai kebiasa. capek iya, belajar jalan terus. nilai gue ancur2an banget. gue sering banget susah napas gara2 nahan nangis kalo inget nilai2 gue sering banget masuk 15 terbawah di kls. tujuan gue, gue mau masuk kedokteran. berarti gue harus masuk IPA. masalahnya masuk IPA susah banget. gaboleh ada nilai MIPA yang dibawah SKBM. tapi alhamdulillah, sekali lagi gue survived. dan lo tau apa? saking bahagianya gue, pas tau gue dapet IPA gue sampe nangis. gak pernah gue seneng banget seumur hidup gue sampe nangis terharu gitu, haha lebay banget ya gue? ya gimana emang cengeng banget sih gue.

ternyata setelah masuk IPA, kekejaman makin memanas. gila ya, gue kalap banget. udah gitu kurikulum gue jg mulai ganti. bener-bener deh. gue tiap hari dr senin - jumat les full terus. tapi remed tetep juga ada. ck. tapi di kls 11 gue dapet temen2 yang menyenangkan : ) masa SMA gue mulai kerasa nih indah2annya. kls 10 juga kerasa sih.

gak kerasa, skrg udah kls 12 aja. gila, singkat banget ya cuy SMA tuh. trs tiba-tiba gue udah foto BT aja gitu kemaren. aaaaaaaaaaaaah gue sedih deh cepet banget ya SMA. bentar lagi kuliah dan gue bakal ninggalin sekolah gue, ninggalin 8. ninggalin banyak memori seneng, sedih, lucu, alay parah, semuanya deh. eh tapi seumur gue di 8, gue blm pacaran lagi, haha, menurut gue ini kocak aja. begitu masuk SMA, gue putus dari mantan gue, sampe skrg blm pacaran lagi. entah sibuk, entah ga laku, entah ga minat. tp sejauh ini sih gue fine-fine aja, malah udah sejauh ini gue mgkn kalo disuruh pacaran lagi hmmm masih kagok kali ya? haha udah lupa gue pacaran itu gimana. lebih banyak main sama temen2 sih skrg, hehe.











well, jadi nostalgia ya nih. eh nostalgia itu perlu tau! kenangan itu kan bukan buat disimpen doang. kenangan itu ada buat dikenang :) ih puitis deh gue hahaha.

iya gue emang dulu suka nyesel kenapa gue masuk 8, apalagi kalo org2 mulai blg 'susah deh ah anak 8 mah pinter2', ih kesel banget gue, pada nggak ngerasain sih gimana susahnya jadi gue, huhu. yah tapi ya, karna masa-masa SMA gue sebentar lagi mau abis, ya gue pengen aja membanggakan sekolah gue hehe. kapan lagi gue kayak gini, beberapa bulan ke depan, almamater gue udah beda, hopefully sih almamater kuning, amin! aduuuuuuuuh aku cinta smandel deh ah ;)



btw hari ini gue ga sekolah lagi, keujanan cuy. balik deh. ah susah deh musim ujan! mobil gue baru keluar bengkel sabtu bsk (fyi, mobil gue abis ditabrak truk). udah gitu selasa nyokap gue bakal ke jogja, jadi gue bakal bawa mobil sendiri starting Tuesday. ah gile tapi kayak udah lupa gue bawa mobil rasanya gimana, iiiiiiiiih gara-gara supir truk sialan!

eiya gini nih keadaan terakhir mobil gue sebelom dibawa ke bengkel :





parah ya? emang! dasar sialan dah tuh.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah capek ah mau belajar hehe. byebye!

Minggu, 18 Januari 2009

PMS


photo from flickr


Gue bete.
hari ini gue kedatangan tamu bulanan. tiap bulan kalo dia dtg perut gue sakitnya anjing-anjingan, (sori abis gue beneran sakit bgt parah wey). harusnya skrg gue ada di studio Unique Tebet karna mau ada sesi foto BT kls gue. bodohnya sakit perut ini menyebabkan gue bisanya ngeringkuk doang di kasur drtd.

skrg gue lg nunggu bokap gue dtg, mau minta dianter segera ke Tebet. tp dia lama bgt dtgnya. semakin jadi lah bete gue. nyokap gue lg tdr, gue bangunin nanya dimana alat2 make-up dan dia mengamuk karna dibangunin dr tdrnya. ergh tambah semakin menjadi-jadi bete gue. yaudah deh, no one cares, gue ambil aja ni laptop yg sebenernya ga blh dimainin. cuek ah bodo abis gue bete, diamuk diamuk dah nih.

gue gak suka mood gue kalo lg gini. gabisa dikendaliin. sial bgt deh emosi naik turunnya cepet bgt. mana mendung gini di luar, suasana hati makin ga enak. pengennya maraaaaaaaaaaaaah mulu padahal ga ada sebab. perut sakit, mood gaenak, suasana sekitar gaenak, ah!

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh pengen ngebanting apa gitu. serem ya? emang kan gue kalo marah parah bgt, palembang-girl, kata temen gue. emosi gue emang sehari-hari tuh parah bgt. kalo lg gini udah deh tambah parah, sensinya ih najis dah.

udah makanya kalo gue lg gini dijauhin aja deh, drpd kena imbasnya hehe.

Kamis, 15 Januari 2009

Let's kill the time


(photo from flickr)


Gosh, another day off!

Today I woke up at 03.50 am, (I've been started to wake up that early since my school started the lesson 10 minutes earlier, yes it's only 10 minutes earlier for my school, we used to start the lesson at 06.40 and I used to wake up at 04.30) then I took a shower and pray. My phone rang, a message. it said 'Dari Bu Pauline: Masuk ya hari ini. Fwd ke yg lain, please', hmm okay then I ask my father to get me to Wena's House then we went to school together (Did I tell you that my car was hit by a truck? no? okay, later).

And,
when we just arrived at Bukit Duri Tanjakan, one of my teacher, Pak Wangsa, complete with Jacket and Cap, telling every car to turn back away because the water level get high! okay, this should be a pleasure because it means another day off. BUT, that might be a pleasure if it came back to a year ago or two. My Loooooord, I'm in my last semester here! I need to get to school, huhu. SIMAK UI is just 40-something-days away! YES I'M PANIC! OF COURSE I'M PANIC!

I want the Medical Faculty of Universitas Indonesia, which the passing grade is 60-point-something-%, AND my last result of SIMAK UI Try Out is just 35%, it's still 25% awaaaaaay!

do you think I can make it?
I don't know, I don't want get my mom being disappointed,
she got panic,too, when I told her my score.

No, I don't wanna think about anything but making my parents proud of me.
is that so hard? yes it is! I'm the oldest child in my family, should be helpful, not mess-ful.

talking about mess-ful, I guess it's the perfect word to describe today.
get bored all the time, getting my ass in front of computer for hours and hours, panicking because everyone around me is counting days (Oh please!), nothing funny or interesting in facebook today, Dewi Persik and Aldi Taher are now together? What the? Okay we should leave that.

goooooooooooooooooooosh have you heard the song called Nuansa Bening by Vidi Aldiano?
it's beautiful! this is an old-song-remake. I love Lucky Idol's version, too. My friend, Wena, already had the album. I love Cinta Jangan Kau Pergi (it's remake too) and Aku Terlena. you should hear that, really.

hey, promise me you would pray for my success, okay? thanks then hehe. should go now, byeeeeeeee!

Rabu, 14 Januari 2009

Rain 2009




Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,

I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

Safe to say from here,
Your getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

( lyrics from Breaking Benjamin, 'Rain' )


----------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't like rain season!
never like the rain, never like the smell when it's starting to pour.
it's frustating to see the sky turns grey.
it could also turn my mood to blue.

ah, my mood has screwed up already lately
the rain just makes it even worst...................


P.S. sekolah gue aja ampe banjir lagi, dan gue libur.

Jumat, 09 Januari 2009

Blurry Minded

I exactly don't have any idea about how my mind works right now, it's unefficient and extremely complicated. It's blurry, really. can't see much if not focusing, don't get what it means if not concentrating much. confusing, making me upset all the time, creating reasons to not to sleep well, and the worst part is making me sad. I'm probably having some problems with my mood, I guess. It's turning upside-down lately.............

(sigh)

Sabtu, 03 Januari 2009

Happy New Year, goodbye

Happy New Year all : )
semoga 2009 bisa jadi tahun yg baik buat kita semua,
terutama gue.

semoga
dapet FKUI
lulus UAN
dapet Canon 450D
dapet jodoh (Ha-ha)
dimudahkan dr segala cobaan
dilapangkan hatinya dalam menghadapi masalah

AMIN AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN

meanwhile, gue harus mengucapkan selamat tinggal untuk beberapa waktu.
berhubung liburan eke sudah habis, gue harus segera kembali aktif belajar.
hmmmmm agak mls tp ya gimana dong demi masa depan hehe. makanya doain ya semoga gue sukses, moga moga gue dapet FKUI beneran, amin.

selama gue vakum, mgkn gue akan update tp ga sering2 kayak gini. jadi ya tunggu saja, untung2an lah kalo update hehe.

alright then, have a good year : )
xoxo

current mood : Worried, Confuse, Angry, Blue (Mix them, you'll find out how it feels)
listening to : RAN - Tunjukkan Cintamu (New Single, check it out here)

P.S. something's wrong with me (actually, my feeling), I can't figure it out, it's something.......annoying